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Why 'shoulding' yourself is messy and unhelpful

May 22
5 min

Why 'shoulding' yourself is messy and unhelpful

How often do you use the word 'should'? Do you even notice? I have to admit that I have a real dislike for the word ‘should’. Whenever I hear myself using it, my shoulders tighten and my skin crawls. I wince. I hear it and it hurts. Why? Its just a word, right? Yes, maybe it is just a word but it carries so much with it. The word ‘should’ implies that there is a right way of being and if we do not meet this then we are wrong, flawed, inadequate in some way. It suggests that t

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Understanding the red mist

Apr 22
8 min

Understanding the red mist

Anger is an emotional state which, let’s face it, has a pretty bad rep. There is far more written about how to control your anger than there is about how anger can be useful and transforming. When we think of anger we often think of shouting and violence, these kinds of ‘negative’ associations lead many people to try to push down their anger and avoid showing that they feel any sense of anger. However, humans have 4 base emotions – joy, sadness, fear and anger, and that means

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Recognising when you are Running on Empty

Mar 22
6 min

Recognising when you are Running on Empty

Have you ever found yourself saying, “I don’t know who I am, what I like or what I want”, “I feel empty but don’t know why” or “I had a good childhood, I have a good life, yet it feels like something is missing, why am I still not happy?” If any of these sounds familiar, you are not alone. These thoughts along with others, can be signs of what psychologist and researcher Jonice Webb, Ph.D., has called “emotional neglect” in her well-written and insightful book Running on Empt

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Explaining the Inexplicable

Feb 22
9 min

Explaining the Inexplicable

Have you ever watched something or listened to something and felt so inspired you have wanted to talk about it with anyone and everyone? That was me this week, listening to a webinar by Zoe Lodrick, a specialist in sexual trauma. Don’t worry, this blog isn’t going to go into all the science stuff of how our bodies react to threat and trauma – well, maybe just a little. No, this blog is going to focus on the bit that really got me thinking, why is rape such an under-convicted

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Why Meerkats make rubbish story-tellers

Jan 22
7 min

Why Meerkats make rubbish story-tellers

“I should have done better” “I always mess things up” “I’m a bad person” Any of these sound familiar? They are just words, right? They don’t mean anything, no big deal. Nope!! Phrases like the above have been popping up a lot around me recently, in my clients, friends, and yes, even my own head and so this month’s blog is shining a light on the negative scripts that can run through our head. Now let me make this clear, right from the off – having thought these thoughts does n

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The Unspoken epidemic

Dec 22, 2020
3 min

The Unspoken epidemic

As we near Christmas I am aware of a virus trying to rear its spikey head. It is here all year round but at this time of year seems particularly rife. No, I am not referring to, dare I swear, Covid, pandemic. I’m talking about a condition which is a killer of self-worth and happiness. One that’s main objective is to create a sense of lack and a yearning for more; leaving you feeling inadequate, worthless and dejected. I’m talking about comparisonitis. Hands up, who’s been the

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Playing your Part

Nov 22, 2020
3 min

Playing your Part

“I’m still learning to love the parts of myself that nobody else claps for” Rudy Francisco Have you ever said “there’s a part of me that wants to but there’s another part of me that doesn’t”? Does it frustrate you as much as it frustrates me? That feeling, when faced with an experience, choice, opportunity it feels like a tug of war is happening inside you as these different ‘parts’ of you battle to decide which will win out and determine how you act, speak and feel. What on

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De-MYTH-defying Counselling

Oct 22, 2020
8 min

De-MYTH-defying Counselling

Making the decision to find a counsellor and walk through the door of that first session can be extremely hard. For some, the anxiety they feel can lead them to wonder ‘is it really worth it?’ But why can the thought of seeing a counsellor or therapist cause so much anxiety, after all, if we have a physical pain, we often don’t think twice about seeing a GP – why should our mental and emotional health be any different? A number of myths about counselling appear to be rife and

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The Saboteur Within

Sep 22, 2020
4 min

The Saboteur Within

Have you ever been really excited about something…until the time it comes to do it and then be filled with self-doubt and criticism? Things that are new can fill us with such hope and expectation and then, when the time comes to do something, we can feel vulnerable and anxious for the change that might occur. Change often involves stepping out of our comfort zone and telling the world ‘I’m here’ and hoping that our vulnerable state isn’t met with rejection, judgement or ridic

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